It's tax time. You need a laugh. You came to the right place. As promised, here's some famous zingers from the late, great Rodney Dangerfield:

What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!

I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back!

When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, "We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again."

I tell you, with my doctor, I don't get no respect. I told him, "I've swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills." He told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.

What a dog I got. His favorite bone is in my arm!

Last week I saw my psychiatrist. I told him, "Doc, I keep thinking I'm a dog." He told me to get off his couch.

I worked in a pet store and people kept asking how big I'd get.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, "Wait til it gets warmer."

When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up.

I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.

My marriage is on the rocks again. Yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.

I was so ugly, my mother used to feed me with a slingshot!

When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!"

Want more? Check out Dangerfield's official Web site, www.rodney.com.